It amazes me how my thoughts will calm down and my spirit eases as I am working on a project such as painting a bathroom. As I am cutting in the paint with the brush, sweat beading across my brow from the overhead lights in the bathroom, and trying to balance the small canister while I am perched on a stool, my thoughts become singular--no more jumping from one thing to the next and back again.
While I am doing this, I am calm, peaceful, really thinking about nothing but keeping the paint off the trim. And it amazes me when sudden revelations are made. Revelations like holding on to resentment and worrying about turbulent emotions.
Resentment was something that I had a death-grip on. Resentment at being told my father is not in Heaven. Yeah, that's a doozy; although, it wasn't said in exactly that way, but the meaning was clear. I was told that one must believe and MUST be baptize in order to enter Heaven. After reading every passage in the Bible on baptism, I can safely say that one does not need to be baptized to enter Heaven. Baptism is the act, the public profession, of announcing one's faith and acceptance of Jesus Christ. We are saved by grace, by believing in Jesus Christ as God's only Son who died for our sins: past, present, future. Once saved, we should live according to His Laws and His Ways. Baptism is not the make or break "thing" that puts someone in Heaven. Baptism could be called the first act of obedience.
Why do I believe that they are telling me that my father is not in Heaven? Because my father wasn't baptized, but he was saved. He did receive Christ and was slowly changing his life to follow Jesus.
Because of this, I held resentment against these people. But no longer. Maybe someday they will find that they are pushing people away from God instead of leading them and that they are placing a stumbling block before people or a putting a yoke around their neck.
I was also holding resentment against those who caused turbulent emotions within me.
My husband and I are wanting to move. We are selling our home and land and pray that we will sell soon and be able to buy the home we found up north. My resentment came when family members would not support our decision. To them it's a bad idea, apparently for many reasons: too far away, my husband already has a job, we have a home, we shouldn't leave the church, we shouldn't take our sons from the church, what about the kids?, and y'all have only been married a year.
Because of this I found myself angry, worried, sick, and holding on to resentment. Family should support our decision or at least understand why we want to move: new area, better job opportunities, better schools, better standard of living, but most importantly, because we felt led to do so.
For every brush stroke of blue paint onto the walls, I brushed away one more filament of resentment. I won't say it doesn't hurt to be left out in the cold, so to speak. I won't say it doesn't bother me knowing that family won't speak because they don't like our decision. I will say that because we know this is the right thing to do, we will keep on following that path He placed before us.
I keep on painting the walls. And God keeps on painting me.
A little work will never hurt.